Funny PNoy 'fake' Sona hits fb
The SONA below was drafted by some witty writers out there and was published in Newsbreak and became a hit on facebook.
State of the Nation Address of
His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
to the Congress of the Philippines
Session Hall of the House of Representatives
July 25, 2011
State of the Nation Address of
His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
to the Congress of the Philippines
Session Hall of the House of Representatives
July 25, 2011
Speaker Feliciano Belmonte Jr. and Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile.
Vice President Jejomar Binay, I know Junjun was just trying to be witty, but it offended Kris and me.
Chief Justice Renato Corona, tigilan mo ang Hacienda Luisita. Why don’t you distribute Iggy Arroyo’s hacienda?
Former Presidents Fidel Valdez Ramos, Joseph Ejercito Estrada, and she who shall not be named for she is absent.
Members of the House of Representatives and the Senate; distinguished members of the diplomatic corps;
Mga minamahal kong kaibigan, kaklase, kabarilan:
Sa bawat sandali po ng pamamahala ay nahaharap tayo sa isang sangangdaan.
Sa isang banda po ay ang tuwid na daan. Mula Valenzuela, nakaabot ako ngSingapore, para lang makahanap ng First Lady ng bayan.
Sa kabilang banda ay ang baluktot na daan. Kaya ibinenta ko ang aking Porsche.Mungkahi ni Mar at Anne Curtis, mag-MRT na lang ako. Wala nang wangwang, wala pang counterflow.
Bago ko man kayo iniligaw, matagal na pong naligaw ang pamahalaan sa daang baluktot. Araw-araw po, lalong lumilinaw sa akin ang lawak ng problemang ating namana. Damang-dama ko ang bigat ng mga kasalanan ni Gloria. Mabuti na lang absent siya.
Sa unang taon ng aming panunungkulan, marami po kaming natuklasan. Nais ko pong ipahayag sa inyo ang iilan lamang sa mga namana nating suliranin at ang ginagawa naming hakbang para lutasin ang mga ito.
Sulyap lamang po ito; hindi pa ito ang lahat ng problemang haharapin natin. Inilihim at sadyang iniligaw ang sambayanan sa totoong kalagayan ng ating bansa.
Dahil kay Gloria, may toll free increase at oil price hike.
Dahil kay Gloria, umabot po ng tatlong bilyong piso ang utang ng PCSO.
Dahil kay Gloria, isanlibong porsyento naman ang itinaas ng utang ng NFA.
Dahil kay Gloria, may climate change at binaha ang Metro Manila.
Dahil kay Gloria, nag-away si Heart Evangelista at Marian Rivera.
Dahil kay Gloria, naging “alleged” victim si Amanda Coling.
Dahil kay Gloria, si Bedol ay naka bullet-proof vest at si Zaldy ay may“insignificant coronary artery disease.”
Dahil kay Gloria, nawalan ako ng love life at nalagas ang aking hairline.
To you who were once a President, this advice: Mind your own district. Mind your own hairdo. If you really want something done, just be a Congresswoman. Don’t pussyfoot. Don’t pander. And don’t wear your neck brace in public.
a administrasyon po natin, walang kota-kota, walang tongpats, ang pera ng taumbayan ay gagastusin para sa taumbayan lamang. Hayaan na nating si Willie ang mamudmod ng Pajero.
Pasalamatan natin ang mga Obispo at sinauli nila ang mga SUV.
At sa wakas, napatalsik din natin si Merci! Hindi yan nagawa ni Gloria! Yan ang malaking lamang ko sa kanya.
Pero mga kababayan ko, hindi biro ang mamili ng Ombudsman, lalo na kung ang pinagpipilian ay isang 70-year old (former Supreme Court Justice Conchita Carpio Morales) at isang 78-year old (former Justice Sec. Artemio Tuquero). May napili na ako.
Kapayapaan at katahimikan po ang pundasyon ng kaunlaran. Ito ang patakaran natin sa loob ng bansa at maging sa pakikitungo sa mga dayuhan. Palakaibigan ang ating lahi ngunit kung inaapi, lumalaban.
Kamakailan lang ay sinakal ng dalawang Tsino ang aking brother-in-law habang nasa eroplano. Sumusobra na ang panghihimasok at agresyon ng Tsina, hindi lang sa West Philippine Sea kundi pati na rin sa Cebu Pacific.
Kagyat na gumawa ng hakbang ang ating pamahalaan upang ipagtanggol ang ating soberanya at kasarinlan.
Pina-deport na ng Bureau of Immigration ang dalawang Chinese na umatake sa asawa ni Ballsy sa loob mismo ng ating himpapawid.
Kasama ang buong sandatahang lakas ng Pilipinas, ipapadala natin sa Spratlyssina Cong. Manny Pacquiao at Mayor Sara Duterte upang ipagtanggol ang ating interes laban sa Tsina. Sa pakikitungo natin sa Tsina, kamay na bakal ang kailangan.
There isn’t a day I do not work or a waking moment when I do not think through a work-related problem. Even my critics cannot begrudge me for the long hours I put in.
Our people deserve a government that works just as hard as they do.
A President must be on the job 24/7, ready for any contingency, any crisis, anywhere, anytime.
Check out my schedule, ang busy-busy ko.
9: 00 am Wake up; Take a bath
9:30 Breakfast; Meeting with Aquino sisters; Watch Kris TV
10:45 Yosi break
11:00 Meeting with “bad news bearer” number 1
11: 15 Yosi break
11:30 Meeting with “bad news bearer” number 2
11:45 Yosi Break
12:00 nn Meeting with “bad news bearer” number 3
1:00 pm Late lunch
2:00 pm Siesta
3:00 Meeting with Samar group
3:15 Yosi break
3:30 Meeting with Balay group
3:14
4:00 Target-shooting with buddies in preparation for Chinese occupation of the Spratly Islands
5:00 pm Recreation (DoTA on PSP); bonding with Josh and Bimby
6:00 pm Me-time without media
Look at my picture, ang haggard-haggard ko:
I also remain committed to push the passage of a law for responsible parenthood. But I understand that it’s not a priority measure of the legislative executive development advisory council (LEDAC).
Kagyat tayong umupo sa LEDAC at pinag-usapan ang mga mahahalagang batas na kailangan nating ipasa. Halimbawa:
An Act Regulating the placement of billboards. To all advertisers, don’t distort nature. There are no volcanoes along the Pasig River.
An Act Prohibiting the use of the words “Muslim” and “Christian” in Mass Media.
And finally, in place of the Freedom of Information (FOI) Bill, I enjoin Congress to enact a law banning media coverage of my flings. I’ve had enough of gossipy and trivial reporting like Newsbreak’s Inside Track piece on my Hotdog concert date.
Kung gusto niyo akong maging produktibo sa trabaho, tantanan niyo ang love lifeko.
And this is a matter of personal and foreign affairs.
Ang mandato nating nakuha sa huling eleksyon ay patunay na umaasa pa rin ang Pilipino sa pagbabago. Iba na talaga ang sitwasyon. Puwede na muling mangarap. Tayo nang tumungo sa katuparan ng ating mga pinangarap. Sama-sama nating tahakin angtuwid na daan kahit walang paroroonan.
Habang wala pa rin akong Kumander, kayo pa rin ang boss ko.
Maraming salamat po.
This post is brought to us by Kisan Lu Lands Inc. The leading housing developer of Davao City.
PNoy SONA - I wish ko lang maganda at makatotohanan ang report sa bayan ni Noynoy this year.
ReplyDeletekung walang corrupt, walang mahirap.
how about yung kauupong gabinete niyang nagpapalabas kay Leviste? ano yun? akala ko ba eh handpciked yang mga yan...
As far as I know and understand of what is a Sona, it is the yearly activity to be done by the president. It is about to update the Filipinos of yearly activities done by whom in the productive of our economy and how the president of the country changes the lives of the people. as far as I am concerned about the Sona earlier represented by our president many of the government officials didn't understand and even don't know what is happening to the productive of our country. how much more we, ordinary people!
ReplyDeleteon the other hand it maybe this could be one of the most interesting sona. i barely remembered his speech during the proclamation of being a president well, as a student it can't adopt me a lot. it maybe a lies and false claims of economic prosperity all he said but we have grown all wise to aware of what he can do and what he did in about his year reign. we all should stand together as a Filipino and continue to support in the nearly future of what our president wanted in our country. Of course we cant expect too much from him especially she is only one. We in ourselves know that we should help each other to improve our lives. In return, i hope he will not fail everyone and may not he promised so much and be able to expect the Filipinos. Hoping that we will not disappoint his plan in the better future of our country and vice versa. He better do it well because he got our hopes up well.and to my fellowmen, we should remember and observe it that Why does in every president we elect we say that he/she is the best but in the end we still want him/her to step down because we are not satisfied what she/he doing. We always looking for something that they don’t have. lastly, whoever sit any position that may have given to us or to them if there's no unity and hard-work, there will be no better life waiting for us.
OMG!!the problem of PNOY's love life is cause by Gloria?..he's looks are useless if he doesn't know how to hold his country..there is no innovation in this country.And what happen to his promises?..as a president he should fulfill his promises and act as a model of his countrymen..He is flirting with other girls and changing his ladies for the new one..(parang nagpapalit lang ng damit!!nakakaloka!)..He should not compare his works and his achievements to Gloria he should do his job perfectly kahit hindi man niya nagawa lahat dapat ipakita niya sa atin dahil we are expecting more from him..He is so pretentious because of what he did...KULANG PA NGA EH!!HINDI NAMIN RAMDAM ANG PAGBABAGO NA SINASABI NIYA..
ReplyDeleteThe President State of the Nation Adress today for me is not interesting. It is the same SONA that I read from the previous Presidents. I read many negative feedbacks from the government agency, only few positive feedbacks were mentioned. He always used the word WANG-WANG in his SONA when in fact it has nothing to do with the corruption in the government. Huwag niya sanang paasahin ang mga Pilipino gaya ng mga sinasabi ng mga dating naging pangulo.
ReplyDeleteBut on the contrary, nagustuhan ko ang sinabi niya sa last portion na " BAGO AKO UMUWI GALING ESKWELA, LAPITAN MO ANG GURO MONG PINILING MAMUHUNAN SA IYONG KINABUKASAN KAYSA UNAHIN ANG SARILING GINAGAWA. AT SABIHIN MONG SALAMAT PO". Sa aking PAMILYA, mga GURO at mga KAIBIGAN MARAMING SALAMAT.
SONA of PNOY - it is the second time, and it was tiring because she foccused on his first lady.First of all we dont care of that, we just care of our country because since he had won there's no change!! 2nd he always blame Gloria yes " si gloria ang may kasalanan kung bkit nagka gnito ang ating bansa" but "sana ibalik niya nalang sa ayos hindi yung ipa mukha nya talaga sa atin na si gloria ang salarin dahil alam nmn natin ito" . State at the T.V patrol the rate of noynoy is getting lower! that is because there's no change at all because he don't even work at his best. In my own opinion :)
ReplyDeleteLet us blame Pnoy after 5 years from now.A president cannot kill hundreds of crocodiles who are until now hiding under the dirty lake of politics in our country.
ReplyDeletemm halatang anti ang author a.
ReplyDeleteako naman ang pinagtataka ko lang, bakit kailangang paimbistigahan pa lahat ng ginawa ng nakaraang admin e kahit pa mapatunayan yun may maitutulong ba yun? ? .
isa pa lahat nalang naisisisi sa pangulo, ang iba kasi sa kanya binubunton ang kahirapan. .hindi maghihirap ang isang tao KUNG marunong dumiskarte, may tiyaga at higit sa lahat may tiwala sa sarili.
kahit sino pang maging pangulo kung ikaw mismo ayaw mong magsumikap para sa sarili mo, HINDING HINDI KA UUNLAD
naalala ko tuloy itong kasabihang ito (ilocano):
URAY AGDUTO TI BALITOK, ITI TAO A SADOT HAAN TU A MAKAPIDOT
(tagalog) KAHIT UULAN NG GINTO, ANG TAONG TAMAD KAILAN MAY DI MAKAKAPULOT
kasi nga tamad. .nasa harapan na, ayaw pang pulutin. .GANUN ang iba, umaasa palagi sa tulong ng iba.
HINDI AKO PRO-PNOY AT HINDI RIN ANTI